Sometimes…sometimes, you want to have a little break from your work but when you get it, you don’t know what to do with that time!
You just sit on couch and you want to be there sitting for the whole day doing nothing. It happens so because even though you look calm from outside, your mind remains occupied with bunch of thoughts.
You then turn around, look out through window and everything outside also looks dull.. and you know it .. you know that it’s going to look dull .. but you choose to see it anyways, because that’s one thing you have control over.
So you keep looking out and you glance at a person selling vegetables in the super hot afternoon in summer and you think !!
You think, why are we all doing this ? Why is he doing this ? why is he selling these vegetables even though it’s been so hot outside.
He needs money .. money for what? for buying something to eat at home …wait why do we eat at first place? we eat so that we can have enough energy to go out in the afternoon and sell goods?
I mean why are we doing this all? what’s the end ? If nothing then why is this so called life keeps me motivated to do things ?
If nothing then why do I always keep feeling that I want to be someone whom this world will remember for at least 100 years .. why do I keep feeling this ? for what ?
“I don’t wanna be anything”, you say .. “I just wanna sit down on my couch and see the day pass in front of my eyes” and you stay on it.
You’re still looking out, thinking of all this and suddenly …. suddenly, you sitting on couch, doing nothing starts feeling incredibly awkward.
You then jump off of your sofa and think of reading something meaningful. You start reading a book about rocket science… after some time, everything feels on track…
and you realize how your mind always overdraws your thoughts and keeps you away from questions like these ….you realize how you mind always keeps you motivated to live …
And thoughts come back… you keep the book aside, you don’t want to do anything…again you just want to sit …this time … thinking of nothing.
and you start thinking of the question. … why are we doing this all? what is the end to this? What is the end of this all that life is giving you events after events to execute and keep going !!!
Your question remains unanswered !!
You choose to be in the window. You choose to be silent … its 5 in the evening now and you know, you have next office call .. you will have to be prepared for it.. so you get up and start reading your screen … without knowing why !!!
You don’t understand if its fault in you that you keep thinking this way .. or you don’t know if you ..slowly are loosing your control over your mind … or is this urge of becoming something .. that’s eating you !!! you don’t know !!
and you keep all your thoughts aside .. you try to be really under control and start looking for answer to above question…. am I going mad ?
Noooo .. i don’t want to .. because if I go mad right now . I won’t be able to achieve all things that I want to …
You close your eyes and stop looking outside because you think looking out and thinking of this all is the thought that’s making you mad !!!!
and you get up .. think of someone .. and you open up browser and write all your thoughts as is as a story !!!
no I don’t really know why !!!!